Hashers,

For those of you who may have missed out on Friday evening's festivities
in Longmont, here's a recap.  Now would be a good time to reply to this
message that you want to be taken off this list, if you wish to be
spared the ensuing verbosity.

We gathered in Longmont on Friday evening, sometime between ultimate
time and MDT, and in two different locations.  After Lottie (unnamed)
managed to round up three clueless males who'd peeled off from the herd,
we donned skirts, dresses and makeup and took off after two trailer park
grandmother types who were dropping flour everywhere.  Cum Silent
sniffed out some trickery right off the bat, and Bush Router confirmed
his olfactory suspicions, saving the pack (minus Two Holes) a devilish
countback.  We then managed to dodge insult-flinging 8 yr olds,
concerned police officers, a playground full of whistleblowers and a
series of alleged clues taped to street lamps to locate a beer check
inserted relatively early in the trail.  By this point, the feisty
grandmothers had transformed themselves into ... well it was hard to
tell, but they'd worked some McDonald-esque techniques into their
trail-laying.  Margaritas chugged and beers drained, we waited patiently
by the mosquito-infested stream bank behind an autobody shop for what
seemed like several hours while the hares once again took a head start. 
And once again, we set off in hot pursuit, snaking around (but not in!)
a liqour store to a vicious triple decision point which split the pack
in three.  This is when the real fun began.  Bush Router led a glorious
pack effort, sniffing out hare droppings with amazing efficiency and
leading those who would follow him inexorably toward the finish and the
beer presumably cached there.  Unfortunately, not very many hounds would
follow him, and despite Cum Silent's, Mt. Hood's and Deep's efforts to
call them through the alleyways, the pack continued to diffuse.  At this
point Cum Silent and Deep discovered and verified a light post clue,
which guided us around and up and over to a long straightaway.  (Sidebar
- Deep in the End actually experienced clearing DPs for a few hundred
yards of this trail, marking a departure from his usual strategy of
walking slowly off trail, only to locate the DD's by pure chance 30
minutes minimum after the rest of the pack arrives.  He is shocked and
embarrassed by his activities as DP clearer and has pledged not to let
it happen again.)  Sacrificing Mt. Hood and Bush Router to bad trails,
Cum Silent led Deep past a bad trail to where some hare had dumped the
rest of her droppings, and they continued past, turning a corner and
bolting for a lush riparian area across a field.  As Cum Silent and Deep
happened upon an unmanned finish with no beer, Mt. Hood loped up to the
beerless finish, and the rest of the howling pack filtered across from
the direction of true trail toward the finish which had no coolers of
beer laid out for us.  It was at this point when the lingerie-clad
hares, having transformed once more, staggered across with buckets of
precious refreshment, and we imbibed, and it was good.  Unfortunately,
the plan to have DD's at the finish was blown out of the water once
again as a storm blew up, and Freudian's camisole was blown from her
chest, leaving her tits to flail around in the breeze.  Around this
time, we realized that Piggy had jumped off trail and hadn't arrived at
the finish, nor had he been seen for some time.  Since we're a caring,
sensitive hash and it was well after dark in the slums of Longmont, we
cruised the streets near the trail for him.  Realize search and rescue
is neither typical behavior nor behavior endorsed by the hash
mismanagement.  Nevertheless, we scoured the place for him, and after
Joel's (unnamed) call of "The Eagle Has Landed", we reconvened at Bush
Router's house and celebrated in his backyard (the hash, not Piggy's
recovery).  We sang and drank and learned a little Swedish, which put us
in the right mood for some namings.  There were a record four of them
Friday evening, so please take note.  The famous hashing dog Ratchet
(unnamed) will henceforth be called "Sir Humpsalot".  The hasher
formerly known as Steve (unnamed) has taken on the moniker "Bush
Router".  The lush we used to speak of as Jason (unnamed) has taken the
appelation "Piggy Dongsucking".  And the halfmind fondly remembered as
Brad (unnamed) shall be referred to as "Two Holes and a Heartbeat". 
Congratulations on your namings.

Halfminds in attendance:
Cummy Pinko (hare)
Freudian Slut (hare)
Deep in the End
Cum Silent Cum Deep
Mt. Hood
Bush Router
Cock Gobbler
Two Holes and a Heartbeat
Puss in Boots
Piggy Dongsucking
Joel (unnamed)
Lottie (unnamed)

The next hash event will take place Friday evening, June 9 at 6:30pm. 
The hares will be Mt. Hood and Heather (unnamed).  I'll get you an
update on the starting location.  The June 23 hash has been claimed by
Bush Router and Cum Silent, and the July 7 will likely feature Deep and
Joel (unnamed).  If you'd like to hare this summer, there are still
plenty of open dates, so let me know.

On-on,
Deep